the truth of marriage: to solve this problem and who will live together will be happy

text/tong yangmu

two children, a full-time mother, two children are exclusive breastfeeding.this year the mood of snow repeatedly, and her husband to no words, or is a quarrel.

when the mother with a child can understand the feelings of snow.when i was a big daughter, i went to work during the day and night.exclusive breastfeeding to three years old.during the period of mastitis, and the concept of living with the elderly is different, there are big daughters for a few nannies, feeling tired of their physical and mental fatigue.after the birth of two daughters, i am full-time, busy every day mess, 24 hours accompany baby, no weekend.

are women really tired? women are not afraid of tired, afraid of their feelings have not been seen, their own did not get sure the pay.afraid of her husband no longer love themselves.afraid of her husband's language mean, you do not bring a child at home? is it so tired? afraid of her husband asked, one day gansha, the child did not bring good, the family did not clean up? men ignore the woman's mood again and again, the woman's heart more and more cool.

as the snow said:her needs are very simple, her husband can see her more, every day in addition to busy children's things, chat with the wife, talk, not busy children, dodging her.her husband did not care about her, she made a request, every day to accompany her five minutes before going to bed, talk, hold her before going to bed, but her husband even this little request, can not do.can not do no problem, my husband sleep quilt away from her a foot far, several quilts are falling to the bedside.

do not communicate, do not communicate, do not care, do not love, which for any woman, are desperate.want such a man with a fart? is it painful every day?

snow knew that she was a full-time mother, no source of income, she also loves her husband, but she can not feel her husband's love.

so many times want to divorce, escape the pain, so from harm.

snow deep inside her husband and have a deep dependence, she can not leave him, every time after the trouble, as long as her husband said a good word, she was soft, for the children, for parents, this marriage can not leave

she wants to trust her husband, rely on her husband, but she can not be unconditional trust him, began a series of suspicion of her husband.husband and female colleagues chat, she will be jealous; her husband out to eat, she will doubt, let her husband made a video five minutes, tracking every day in the sense of anxiety and pain, consume energy.

let her completely collapse is:her husband said her relationship is roommate, she can not accept, she can not feel the importance of their own.i have two children for you, a full-time mother, tired and tired every day, their youth all consumed here, so many years turned out to be roommates.

start a series of"acts", as she said:you do not love me, ignore me, i will tossing trouble, make you worse.especially to put down a ruthless, not divorce, is a family of four dead.

in fact, the purpose is one, causing her husband's attention, let her feel her husband still love her, still cherish her, so she can have a sense of security.

from her chat point of view, her husband cook, with children, and even children and her husband is very pro, her husband is not too slag.

marriage problems, not the responsibility of one party, but the result of joint matter how cold her husband, how to ignore feelings.but you still have the option.

many people do not know why they are"doing".why do they feel fickle, why can not control their own emotions.especially after the trouble, how good they have forgotten.

the main reason is that these two points:"evolutionary psychology"defense mechanism.

men produce 12 million spermatozoa per hour, while women can produce about 400 eggs in their lifetime.once the pregnancy, women need to pay october pregnancy, breastfeeding and care for the cost of children, in the fertility of this thing women pay far more than men.

in the past, there was no marriage system for the protection of the ancient times, marry chickens with chickens, marry dogs with the dog's age, the woman once the case is not good, then she is likely to be unable to independently raise their next generation, it will not be able to pass on their own genes, so"there must be a huge selection of pressure in the evolutionary process in order to evolve the alertness to detect and prevent fraud.

women are seeking a reliable relationship time, her first line of defense is a sense of security, ask the other to invest more time and effort and commitment.

in the past simple and honest man is the first choice, is worthy of life objects, is very good it is because women are deceived too costly, so the evolution of a mechanism to prevent fraud, so that women through a variety of ways to test the man , which is why women in the face of feelings when the need for a special sense.

what things, and finally attributed to you do not care about me, you do not love me, engage in men inexplicable.>

attachment anxiety

high attachment anxious people lack self-confidence in intimate relationships, that they are not worthy of being loved, often with radical reactions to get the companion's attention and love,"

for example, when the other person goes out to eat, it is necessary to rely on the other party's commitment and to rely on this commitment to establish a sense of security.

for example, high attachment will wait for the other side in advance to explain where to go, and who went out, what time back, which makes them feel that they are being taken seriously.

quarrel when the same, you need to first admit , first apology, and then coax themselves, this will feel that he is love their own.

some men eq high, a woman, will give love and understanding, coax two, the woman did not mood, soon enough and happy.

some men just do not eat this set, will feel inexplicable, will feel again he and woman theory, women will be more emotional, you do not care about me, there is a reason?

so had no words, commonly known as cold violence.

sometimes men do not really want to ignore you, because she does not know your needs, do not know how you do? do not know what to say and you? say more, do not know what new emotions triggered? have to wait for you anger their own consumption.sometimes men are also very wrong, slag hat was firmly nested.

especially when you see this cold violent man, there will be an illusion that the man does not care about you, ignoring you, can not give you a sense of security, leaving him may live better.people with attachment to anxiety, the real face of the same despair of loneliness, so lonely and sense of dependence between the swing, the mood is easy to ups and downs, together with the pain, leave is not easy.

another fantasy is an ideal companion that gives you love and support to enhance your sense of security.

safe dependencies and stable promises come from the outside world, and in the short term it can be a good way to relieve anxiety; but the long run, but will make a sense of dependence, return to the infancy, the child to seek the concern of their parents, completely lost the initiative of life, your happiness is entirely built on the other side to give you a sense of security.

but your attachment anxiety inner emotions still exist, some things still trigger new anxiety, and finally into the original look.

one day if the partner feels powerless, no longer make a promise, ignore the indifference, choose a divorce, this time may face collapse.therefore, if the inherent lack of security, there is a serious dependence on the psychological, this time to their own sense of security, their independence is the fundamental solution to the problem.

how does dependence depends on how? roots are inherent self-denial, their own good enough, no sense of value.

there is no inner self-confidence, will continue to doubt whether love does not love me.

so to enhance the inner self-confidence, intrinsic sense of value is the fundamental solution to the problem.

weight loss, make-up, exercise can not improve self-confidence, may be able to improve, but this confidence is still by the enhance the inner self-confidence, i no matter how the appearance, regardless of tall and thin, i am still me, i still have value, i can still live well.

reason to understand, but i am not confident, how to do? self-confidence is not out of thin air, but by doing a little bit of accumulation reflected.

before too much attention to the outside world, concerned about the partner, always immersed in the emotions to verify that he is not love me.always complaining and asking him.

now use this part of time to focus on yourself and focus on doing your own thing.

for example, full-time mother, the children with good, to solve her husband's worries, this is the value.because you now pay, affect the child in the future a very simple thing, i do not lose money on the child, have something to say.this is the greatest value for a family contribution.children in such an environment to grow, will learn to respect and understand.

in addition to find their own hobbies, go all out to complete, a person's change is not overnight, but with new things to replace the old things, with new habits instead of old habits, with new ideas instead of the old thinking, with positive emotions instead of negative emotions.for example, before always doubt her husband, now doubt the idea of ​​rising time, i use my inner strength to win her husband, who do not want to take away, focus on your strength, this is to seize the man's heart the

for example, before you like to let your partner guess your mind, now directly expressed.

previously complained about blame, now changed to a positive invitation.

for example, before the expression, i took the child exhausted, how do you do not engage in household chores, the eyes did not live a little.

now say that i take the child too tired, can you help me clean the health?

anybody who changes is painful, which means you need to give up the original pattern and re-enter the new pattern that takes a while.

if you are able to open up your inner real needs, the inner attachment of anxiety, the partner can understand your behavior, love him, need his help, fear to lose him, do not want to monitor him.

he feels your love, he knows you, will grow more comfortable, more power, but each person finally rely on their own strength, get rid of dependence, to independence.

tong yangma:wechat public:tongyangma2016.there are two lovely daughters.2005 began to study psychology and parent-child relationship, good at child care, marriage, mother-in-law contradiction

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