a mother told me about parenting doubts, seeking help, said don't will be crazy over her son.
that her son was a angel boy, suddenly trouble after the age of two, a word not hit people, throwing things, puzzling wept much larger, the noise of a cry to tore heart crack lung of two or three hours in the morning to go out, for example, have to wear shoes, mom picking up, he was crying, for two or three hours to die, as a mother, she was really uncomfortable and upset.
I know the cry of the child's other performances, such as: "to open the door yourself, don't let my mother to help you and can't open, cry", "down the stairs, his mother's cry, don't want to go back to go"...
I said, "congratulations, your son is obvious" terrible twos ", means that he grew up, have their own thoughts."
the mother wondered: "terrible twos"?
terrible twos, in English there is a proper noun, called "the terrible two", actually refers to the aged one and a half to three stages, children will last for six months to one year of "unreasonable resistance period".Infant child no independent self-consciousness, cannot distinguish between themselves and the outside world, for him, his mother and is an organic whole.And one and a half later, the child began to have a sense of "I", know oneself is a independent individuals, to hold and control their desire of the outside world have increased.As the growth of awareness of self and the body various aspects ability enhancement, children are eager to show "I can do it, when I grow up".
the children favorite words include but not limited to: "no", "don't", "myself", but because they also can't solve real, heart will have a contradiction, and haven't learned how to deal with these emotions, language expression and shortage, and then cry, tantrums, hitting, toys, it is out of communication with the outside world.
a crying child, parents can't wait and want to quickly check wept.But in fact, understand the child, why cry is more important.
parenting expert yu-wei wang said: "the baby crying is to ask an adult requirements, the only way to communicate. How often do the baby crying, cry how long depends on the accuracy of the parents' understanding and judgment, it seems that the baby crying, the tenants are parents: does not understand the baby 'appeal'."
this mom, she didn't understand the child's appeal, simple and profound understanding of the child's cry make trouble without a cause, but also really wronged children, the children of these "bad girl" is typical of the "terrible twos" : feel oneself grow up to have the ability to do something, you want to wear shoes to open the door of the stairs, would not have been easy to success, also old, the mother counterproductive, self-confidence very damaged, mother also don't understand, is really no more than this sad thing, children can't cry tore heart crack lung?
for parents and children into the "terrible twos" is actually worth happy thing, because it means that the child brain development is undergoing a great leap forward, and the more intelligent and healthy children, "unreasonable" performance, the more obvious at this stage.Thus more parents need patience guidance, to better promote the healthy growth of children!
three recruit help children through the "terrible twos"!
to enter the stage of the child, was really easy and not just "unreasonable", extend the length of time but terrible 2 years old, children who depend on parents to boot.Meet the child crying, parents is flustered, the most common way is: after he held no, is the child away let him cry.This is a very wrong way.File a complaint with the children to parents, I feel I don't know what to do, my failure parents not to help, not only will children away, not only can make the child on the problems in the "self growth", will also hurt its security, and bring immeasurable psychological damage.
so, how should parents help children through T2?
first of all, the real stood in children perspective, to ease the child's emotions.
tao xingzhi in "we didn't deserve to be a child will become a child, Mr." explained in the stand in the child's perspective: "you must not despise a child's emotional! He accidentally broke a clay doll, is a widow's dead son so sad. He didn't he hate a person, like Roosevelt will have no chance to goes out to play the German general ou spirit. He received the scourge you a spate of anger, even in the dream also think there was a look of the French revolution of terror. He wants you to hold him for a while and you embrace the other children, like a lover was taken away the general sad."
so, children, because of his failure to open the door crying parents gas he delay again, also be patient really from child's Angle of view "the kid dozen don't open the door the day big loss", hugged him, comfort him, "baby don't open the door must be very sad? Baby, I'm sorry, if you sad cry, my mother will always accompany you."
think of moments of sorrow, want other people to comfort you?When you say the child's ideas, he will feel understood, respected, mood will slowly ease.The difficulty is that it requires parents have a great deal of patience and gentleness, to allow children cry to vent.The more you gentle, child "unreasonable" the shorter the time;You more irritable, more command children are not allowed to cry, especially to tore heart crack lung, both in the end.
second, after the event channel, to teach children learn to emotion management.
for kids, independent failed, he could not understand heart sad and sad, more do not know how to express and resolve.So parents need to do is: to help children to understand these things, and to guide the right thing to do.After the boot can be placed in the child mood gently, also can be placed before bed, slowly simply say "what happened - you feel sad tears - - mother comfort - don't cry", help to convey to the child the mood is normal, but to find the right way to ease mood.
in addition, terrible for children two years of age stage, picture books for his interpretation of the emotional management, emotional management game is very useful, from the picture books or cognitive different emotions in the game, and learn to correctly treat and deal with emotions.
in the end, the chance to do things as much as possible for children to be independent .
about such children, parents should be prepared to do more independent of time and space, let him slowly learning to do their own things, exploring his understanding of "self growth".He wants to open the door, with his gentle;He wanted to wear shoes, encourage comfort for him;Life is so long, can really have a child's time but also in the child's first three years, a mother's love is not in love with children shoes these trivial things.
gentle and peaceful waiting for children grow up slowly, cry in his impatience sad independent practice, embrace him and kiss him, children will naturally in your love, and spent his confused helpless "self growth", he also learned the knowledge of the all beautiful!